Podcast 36 | transcript
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hello thank you for listening to our podcast autism goes to college my name is Sam I went to college
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online uh for my undergraduate degree in Psychology and I am currently in a
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master’s program to become a therapist which is partially in person but mostly online and I also have a certificate in
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publishing from the Denver publishing Institute through Denver University I’m here with Katherine O’Brien the host of
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autism goes to college podcast and I’m gonna hand it over to her thanks Sam I’m so excited to hear from you uh we should
Chapter 2: Going to college online
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also mention that Sam posts on Tik Tok as Philosoraptor so go follow him there um so Sam you mentioned that you went to
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college online I’m assuming that means that you did not live on campus and maybe you lived at home can you talk a
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little bit about your choice and how you lived during that beginning of college sure so for the beginning of a college I
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uh actually went to a community college so I was commuting to that uh for two or
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three classes a semester I lived in my parents home uh and I drive to
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that nice and how did you choose uh your institution where where were you uh
Chapter 3: Choosing college
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going to school uh I went to Colorado Mountain College uh commuting to bre en Ridge and Dylan uh I chose that school
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because I was actually caretaking for my grandfather who was dying of Parkinson’s disease at the time so during the day in
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in the evenings I was taking care of him by myself uh so but I still continue
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my education until Co hit and I took a uh a break when that happened but yeah
Chapter 4: Why twoyear college
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um I my condolences about the passing of your grandfather did you consider a
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four-year college or uh what made you steer towards the two-year pathway yeah I got to a lot of different colleges I
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got into du at the time in Boulder and I got into Reed College and uh the Northwest but I just I had to take care
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of him it was my duty really I felt yeah Reed Reed was actually on my
Chapter 5: Reed College
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short list as well um Sam so I I’m interested to hear that that was when you looked at um yeah and from there I
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went to two different colleges after that I went to a college in person for a semester and that that I didn’t like
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that I I was only there for a semester and I I got so burned out from that you mentioned that it was overwhelming can
Chapter 6: Living on Campus
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you talk more about how it went did you live on campus yeah I lived in a I had a private room but I had a shared like
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Suite with a apartment Suite with uh a bunch of football players and they were partyers and they’d like uh like dump
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like water on people and like do crazy stuff like uh and like I uh I liked them
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they were cool and I did enjoy them but I we it wasn’t the best living environment for me uh like yeah yeah if
Chapter 7: Quiet Environments
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you value like very quiet environments to unwind I can see how a group of young
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athletes who are having the absolute time of their lives wouldn’t really be conducive to just like peace and quiet
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yeah yeah uh but I did meet my girlfriend when I was in who I’ve been dating for like two years we we were
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friends for a year and then started dating so that was a very good aspect of that time oh that’s very nice I’m glad
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you can find some Silver Linings even if the living situation was probably pretty rockus
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yeah so it sounds like the oncampus experience took its toll how did you cope to make it through the semester and
Chapter 8: How did you cope
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and manage afterwards well I did not make it through the semester I took a medical withdrawal and I went to they
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they I actually ended up in like even though I had not been on any substances like in
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months I they didn’t know where to put me really I guess I don’t know who made the decision really in the end because I
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wasn’t mentally I was so burned out I couldn’t do anything they put me in a drug rehab program even though I didn’t
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have an addiction so I was uh there for two a month and a half like starting in
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October so I only made it a few month a couple months into the semester um and then ended up in a drug
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rehab interesting so although you weren’t struggling with substance use at the time yeah did you
Chapter 9: Finding a supportive place to recover
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find that rehab facility to be a supportive place to recover um were they able to help you fight that actually
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yeah the I I got forced to go to like AA meetings and stuff uh like that that I didn’t need and I I learned from that
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cuz I I’m in school now to be a therapist so I guess I learned like professionally it’s been it’s good perspective uh and I made some friends
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there and they that was actually the first place I was really like fully accepting of being autistic towards myself because I was late diagnosed so I
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am uh I felt I was more accepted there than in most places uh and uh even
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though it wasn’t necessarily the ideal like uh curriculum for Burnout no it speaks to
Chapter 10: Going back to college
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the the difficulty of of finding Mental Health Services in a timely fashion and I’m very glad to hear that you’re using
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that experience to um you know create a career where you can change things a little bit
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so I’m assuming because you graduated it sounds like you went back back to college after the medical leave um how
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did you decide what to do next and and where to end up in school I just decided
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that the in-person studies were not good so I immediately started online school that next semester but I was able to get
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in for the winter semester after getting out of rehab in early December oh that’s awesome I like was starting school like
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a week after I got out great and yeah I felt fine the online program really like made it so
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easy for me that I could like instead of structuring my life around school I
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could structure school around my life so yeah what factors did you look for in
Chapter 11: Factors in choosing an online program
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that online program how did you choose uh not much I I I really just um just wanted the
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online program I didn’t really know what to look for I’d never done that before um and I ended up going to Grand Canyon University which had some pretty
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positive aspects their user interface was good on their website totally that makes a lot of
Chapter 12: Life after college
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sense I can see how the website for online school would be absolutely critical to how it works so you
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mentioned that going to Grand Canyon online allowed you to structure School around your life what else did you have going on at that point were you were you
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working living independently I was working uh for about a year like at different jobs I couldn’t really I I I
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actually gotten discriminated against at a couple jobs um so I didn’t like hold those ones uh so I I worked in
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restaurants I worked in a factory um I I I haven’t worked since uh like 2022
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uh but I lived on my own I in my own apartment U
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um what else was I doing I’m I’m a music producer I guess I was doing stuff like
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that like like I was rapping uh writing uh I I write uh articles and uh and I
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started doing social media on Tik Tok again because I had had a successful gaming account where I had about 80,000
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followers but then uh I stopped doing that and started doing the autism content and you’re still on Tik talk of
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course so and YouTube yeah oh okay great I didn’t know about YouTube so um you
Chapter 13: How did you arrive at your diagnosis
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mentioned late diagnosis how how did you arrive at at your diagnosis what what was the moment
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or what was the kind of initi event that led you to finding out well I I had been
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getting my degree in Psychology um you know and uh so I had been studying like
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a lot of different things about like disorders in the mind and I also uh had just been looking through um thinking or
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contemplating the past and it turns out I had gotten a test I didn’t know about when I was a child autism and they um I
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read through all the psychometrics and found that I had scored very highly probable for having autism at the time
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they said it was like you know the Aspergers um since it was like 20 years or 15 years ago when I had gotten that
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test when I was 9 years old but they dismissed all of that even though the psychometrics indicated I was autistic um as anxiety so I never got any
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accommodations and I actually had forgotten about the uh test even existing because my parents parents hadn’t broughten up until I started to
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get suspicious that I might be on the Spectrum and I could interpret the information because I was in school for
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psychology I see yeah so you had you had an old uh psychological report that had it in there and yeah nobody nobody
Chapter 14: How did you choose grad school
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nobody knew um fascinating so you graduated and now you’re in grad
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school studying to be a therapist which makes natural sense to me after studying psychology and struggling with your own
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um identity around uh diagnosis so how how did you choose grad school and how
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did you choose this Therapy Program um it’s also mostly online so the Therapy Program is an instate program for me um
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and I we go in for a week every semester or less so you get a little in person but not so much where it’s going to
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throw off your routine and be your primary obligation to show up in person
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so I chose it for those reasons and um what else uh yeah the price was good because it’s an instate school that’s
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good um I’m wondering a little bit about the social aspects of on online uh and
Chapter 15: Social aspects of online classes
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if that is important to you to feel connected uh in person or or at least digitally to your classmates it sounds
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like your program now has some opportunities for inperson connection with that one week a month of uh in
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person yeah so I I think that’ll be good um but naturally I’m pretty reclusive so
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I don’t really care very much like about like socializing with my like school peers uh it’s never been a priority for
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me other people at times like thought I would um that would become a priority or
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that I’d like it like and develop that and no I don’t really care I I mean I have friends I I hang out with poets and
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I artists like primarily I and they’re mostly older than me and I also
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uh I spend most of my like free time I I’m like have a very good meditation
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teacher a master who like so I’ve been spend a lot of time like meditating and also a lot of time reading and studying
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uh other topics like philosophy and uh history so I I really don’t mind um the
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Solitude yeah so it sounds like that wasn’t a compelling reason to go to in-person classes um when you tried them and it
Chapter 16: Benefits of online classes
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also wasn’t a drawback to going back to online yeah I I got a lot lot out of the experience in a way not socially but uh
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for the most part but um I took a class in ancient Greek uh which I liked which I wouldn’t have done any otherwise and I
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um I I got a lot of practice like um rapping at the time uh which was
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good interesting like like the the music style yeah I’m a rapper so oh and
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producer so I at the time I’d go to the like student like uh the I was in the choir too that’s another thing I was I
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actually got into the top choir at the college uh without any like I didn’t know how to read music so I would follow
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the accompanyment of the piano yeah uh and I’d go into the practice hall at night and Rap by myself like stuff I had
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written and practice things like that yeah so that was very good yeah the the
Chapter 17: Careers besides therapy
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resources on campus in terms of physical space can be very helpful um that makes
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sense yeah so were there careers besides therapy that you considered was there
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anything else you tried or did you know that this was what was for you um well I always had this feeling that I wanted to
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do therapy at least like academically uh I did consider becoming an acupuncturist
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I was in a program last last year right after I graduated for acupuncture for about like a month and I decided it
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wasn’t for me but I made some really good friends there okay that I stay I went and had like drinks and lunch in
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Boulder uh with a close friend of mine I met there uh and I learned a lot about Chinese uh
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philosophy uh at the time so what made you realize acupuncture was not for you after all the touching it required a lot
Chapter 18: Why acupuncture wasnt for you
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of like touching and like also smelling for the program I was in I was in for like five element acupuncture so they
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had a pretty high requirement for uh like being able to smell people without like uh like being very close to them
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and I couldn’t I didn’t really have that sense of smell and I did not like getting touched very much and also the
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like iners element of being a therapist it’s much more flexible for like tella health so I could do stuff online
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whereas um being an acupuncturist you can’t give acupuncture on the computer unless there was a robot and I don’t think anyone would want a robot giving
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them acupuncture yeah at least what if you Flinch and the robot yeah I Don’t Know
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Anything Could Happen really very dangerous situation so yeah no no teleah Health Acupuncture that makes
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sense yeah so uh you talked about finding that historical diagnostic
Chapter 19: How did your diagnosis feel
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report in in hindsight um when when you got your diagnosis how did that feel
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like did it all make sense can you talk can you talk about what that moment was like
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um that’s a good question honestly for a while for a year or
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two um primarily it was confusion even though like I mean and gaslighting from
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like like without people realizing it people around me because they saw me as this one in this one way um and when I
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learned that about myself I started to realize that I had been unconsciously masking my behaviors and my intentions
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and my uh like my feelings for so long because I couldn’t uh understand them I
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I used to like Smooth over things and uh not really understand understand like
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that certain ways I had acted in the world um were just because I was trying
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to not appear autistic to people even though I didn’t know that was the case uh and it impacted my communication and
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um my emotional health and a lot of people didn’t understand and I also didn’t understand what that would mean
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for like how do I reconcile my true nature to like like the person who I thought I
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was yeah and also like how do I allow myself to be known to the people that already thought they knew me how does
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that impact my relationships it did it did and it’s better A lot better now but um I feel
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like if I wouldn’t have been able to accept it the the facts the way they were I would have have been in a different position now where I would be
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still repressed and trying to like appear to be a way that is not good for
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my interior like like feelings and life yeah no it’s it’s I can speak from
Chapter 20: Do you have any accommodations
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personal experience it’s it’s terrible to live at constant war with your psyche trying to be someone you’re not um so it
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sounds like because you didn’t know about that early Rand of Psych testing and it wasn’t identified until you were
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an adult that you maybe didn’t have any accommodations none what was what was that like do you have accommodations now
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that you have your diagnosis yeah actually the first time I got accommodations was when I was taking anatomy and biology as a prerequisite
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for my acupuncture program so I I couldn’t like spell stuff very well and U easily and they required that for the
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course in in U Anatomy it’s a lot to remember every bone in the body and how to spell it uh so I was able to get an
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accommodation actually at that time with the old test the the one they didn’t even put like autism on it they gave me an
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accommodation for with that test until I got the real test that I use that I have now the second evaluation uh this year
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so I wasn’t formally diagnosed until earlier this year um and uh yeah I had no accommodations through
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of K through 12 and college pretty much so do you have any advice about
Chapter 21: Advice for going without accommodations
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going it without accommodations or about seeking accommodations when you haven’t had them before oh yeah I’ll answer both
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of those questions uh so um when you don’t have accommodations you really need to like behind the
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scenes you need to be evaluating what like environments and what kinds of cultures do I want to immerse myself in
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where they won’t recognize my you’re like where you’re at because unfortunately we live in a bureaucratic
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kind of state where in order for our needs to be legitimate to the like our our authorities when we’re in these
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programs uh they it needs to be recognized by the psychiatric like machine so uh if you’re not going to
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work with it you have to find a way to like behind the scenes find your path that’s not going to
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destroy your mental health uh and advocate for yourself to the best of your ability or have someone there with you to help uh and
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um uh when and the second question was like how like getting accommodations in like proc for the first time oh what it
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feels like or what it uh yeah I mean any advice or what it was like for you if you don’t have advice
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well advice for getting accommodations is to be not
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feel or to find a way to be over time to accept what you need help with even
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though like and not totally rely on your strengths even though they’re there uh just to be transparent about what you
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might need because it will make your life um better most likely if you can accept what you might need help with
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instead of trying to repress those needs the accommodations even though they can if you’ve been undiagnosed your whole
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life you might feel a lot of your pride uh dissolve in some ways asking for help uh to just go with that because it can
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be very helpful to get accommodations uh and the feeling is good when you get them for the most part because then you
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can be honest like in a way where it’s accepted by like the authorities around you um and not just in
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sentiment uh where they don’t do anything to actually help you yeah I was also late diagnosed so I just was an an
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an anxious student
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yeah but yeah so thank you so much I hope that online grad school continues
Chapter 22: Has the semester already started
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to go well has the semester already started for you yeah I’ve been in it for
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uh almost a month now uh so and I went straight from my publishing certificate program into this that one burned me out
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it was totally in person oh that’s a lot it was a month straight of like going in person driving to
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Denver I that was too much yeah I see the combination of
Chapter 23: Accommodations
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commuting and the the sensory and social demands of being with people all day is so intense yeah luckily I did have
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accommodations like where the people were to a large extent were able to like like like lower the volume in the room
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sometimes because it was a loud mic they’ use and it they wouldn’t adjust it in the way that was very good sometimes
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for me yeah I could wear my headphones um uh but go that going into this
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master’s program was pretty intense because uh I just was burned out from that publishing program to go into
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another school program but uh it ended up being okay yeah I’m glad it worked out yeah
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thank you well best of luck with the rest of the semester I hope it continues to go so very well um thank you so much
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for coming on autism goes to college yeah thank you
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